The Sky Cave

an interpretation of the status quo in southern california

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 21:42:00 -0800

an interpretation of the status quo in southern california

That everybody is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else.

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 02:29:04 -0800

zcz zo. za.

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 08:25:00 -0800

zcz zo. za.

Skumbags

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 01:10:00 -0800

Hello and good evening.

I would very much like to tell you a story about a thing named John. In this particular illustration, our shampoo-commercial protagonist is quite the opposite of an ocean.

To truly tell this story from the beginning is to understand that at one point, man thought the world was flat. Then big-man-on-campus-Columbus came along and televised a pyramid scheme infomercial about how the world was round. The world is not round. It’s upside down.

On the other side, therein lies another people. A people made of mud and crud. Mud and crud and bugs. Mud and crud and bugs and drugs and left over hot dog buns and all the other things that us inside-out people don’t like.

So these right-side-in people (we being inside-out people), made up of mud and crud and gum and leftover bus seat bung, built their towns from construction paper and pulled apart cotton balls. The main town was called, SoWhat, and it boasted the best architecture in the history of the Right-Side-Innerverse.

But there was a great treachery headed toward SoWhat. A treachery that would violently dismantle the right-side-in way of life. A giant tidal wave of reality made of diamonds on fire and smelly wet cardboard after a weak snowfall, that threatened a peaceful and enthusiastic people with a millennium of Lameness.

But these right-side-inners had faced such a treachery before, and wisely built their construction paper and pulled apart cotton ball town at the foot of a mighty mountain.

That mountain’s name was John.

So all the people made of mud and crud and scum and outdated European plugs and last year’s sitcom television duds, moved their little town of SoWhat to the top of John. It took all hands on deck, and a lot of Red Bull, but the town was on high ground.

As the tidal wave of lameness approached SoWhat, the citizens let out a fantastic harmony. An eight octave, CSNY-style, murder melody. The song became a war chant, the war chant became an earthquake, and John began to split at all his ridges.

When the seams of the mountain broke open to the sky, a pale blue light lurked upon the atmosphere like a cigarette-less drunk who shaved too often. Then, a sound, unbeknown to either of the ‘siders, bellowed across the landscape like four Pete Townsends and six-and-a-half Tony Iommis, plugged in to the same 1974 Big Muff distortion pedal jerry-rigged and complete with a coal powered flux capacitor and cup holders.

The classifiably erotic sound (debatable) blasted the Lameness all the way back to TimBuckWhoCares. The right-side-in was saved for the next millennium.

The town people gathered in celebration of John’s heroics and they hosted the most legendary orgy of all time, more famously known as The 1998 Company Picnic.

When they finally cleaned up all the leftover water snakes and slurpy cups, the townsfolk decided that they really liked living with John around. He provided a roof of moral sanctuary but always kept a quality dick joke in his back pocket.

And so it went for the right-side-inners, as it so often goes for us inside-outers, a unanimous song, the platinum spirit of being alive, and the very chorus of a wagon wheeled existence:

“Fuck it, let’s stay here.”

The End.

…and i’ll never pretend otherwise.

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:02:00 -0800

…and i’ll never pretend otherwise.

i do believe in magic and so can you.

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 11:21:48 -0800

i do believe in magic and so can you.

if it’s alright now, then it’s all alright.

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 10:45:43 -0800

if it’s alright now, then it’s all alright.

it was determined by a panel of rainbow experts that there is no...

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 11:00:00 -0800

it was determined by a panel of rainbow experts that there is no pot of gold in this particular instance because this is in fact, the start of the rainbow.

You know that weird phenomenon where you are totally awake at...

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 17:31:00 -0800

You know that weird phenomenon where you are totally awake at 3am? And not in the, “I’m hungover and need water NOW” sort of way. No, It’s more natural and electric.

And I am so down with it.

Sidenote!

Mariachi is the new punk rock.

For youtubers

For spotifiers

the smaller the voice, the bigger the heart.

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 17:35:22 -0800

the smaller the voice, the bigger the heart.

Whiskey is best mixed with friendship.

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 17:09:00 -0800

Whiskey is best mixed with friendship.

the best part of my year was knowing that i would get to see you...

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 12:04:51 -0800

the best part of my year was knowing that i would get to see you at the end of it.

this isn’t real. I have a long standing belief that there...

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 17:16:00 -0700

this isn’t real.

I have a long standing belief that there isn’t a person on the planet with enough of a sample size to make any kind of generalization about people.

We hear facts about people all the time.

“People are tired of 3D at the movies”

“People love monkey’s and midgets”

“People don’t like pesto as much as marinara”

I don’t know about you, but I know about 200 people. Total. My whole life. I once read a science fact that the most amount of people the human brain can remember is 150, so there’s that as well. No one is qualified to generalize seven billion people. Especially because the reason you have your sample size in the first place is that the people you have met are a whole lot like you. Now, I’m not talking about “like you” like friends and family. I mean a similar socio-economic stature and geographic location. That’s who we know. People like ourselves.

For the most part.

Or not.

I don’t know.
Because I don’t know that many people.

Which brings me to the point of this post: People are not consumed by screens.

You are.

I am.

But people are not.

I have been reading a lot of articles about what staring at a screen all day at work does to your health, and what it’s doing to child development, and what it’s doing to our ability to socially interact with one another.

And it’s all bullshit.

Only 30 percent of the world population has used the internet. Of that 30 percent, how many are sitting at a desk for their job with that kind of time to kill? Think about it. Doctor’s, farmer’s, teachers, laborers, you name it. They don’t sit at a desk like you and me. I imagine the percentage of the United States work force that has the freedom to use the internet all day is well under five percent.

And it’s within that five percent that the reality of this new situation has been completely skewed. It’s that five percent that creates ninety percent of all the content on the web. It’s that five percent that is soaking up and rebroadcasting the idea that all people spend all day arching their back in front of a screen and forgetting how to actually connect with one another.

It’s a self-perpetuating lie because the slim percentage of content creators are the same people reading it. “It must be true for everyone, because I am that way!” we say.

The internet is a mirror in a small room.

Go surfing.

Cook dinner.

Call a friend.

The world is so much cooler than the internet will ever be.

trick or what

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 16:39:43 -0700

trick or what

zen and the art of drinking.

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 17:45:28 -0700

zen and the art of drinking.

There was a man stranded on an island. His only tools were time...

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 17:26:00 -0700

There was a man stranded on an island.

His only tools were time and a shovel.

So he decided to try to make his island bigger.

He dug each day, in knee-deep water, piling more sand onto his little home.

And each day the ocean took back what was rightfully hers.

But he kept digging each day.

Even in knowing that the ocean would eventually take her land back.

He didn’t care.

Because all he had was time.

And a shovel.

People Are Crazy -or- The world’s largest plastic Jesus,...

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 12:34:21 -0700

People Are Crazy

-or-

The world’s largest plastic Jesus, just outside San Miguel Mexico on the way home from the most soulful crusade of the last 27 years.

Long Live Joe.

you are what you see.

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 15:52:48 -0700

you are what you see.

okokokokokokokokokokokokokokoko okokokokokokokokokokokokokokokoko...

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 01:32:00 -0700

okokokokokokokokokokokokokokoko

okokokokokokokokokokokokokokokoko

okokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokoko

okokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokoko

okokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokoko

okokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokokoko

THE MEANS ARE COMING From outer space, to perform a one-night...

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 11:43:00 -0700

THE MEANS ARE COMING

From outer space, to perform a one-night only, backyard, everybody-hook-up, old-fashioned, whiskey breath, bonfire-pow-wow, analog-ho-down.

At the Belmont Conjunction Junction Rock Vs. Roll Party Function.

Occurring All Hallow’s Eve. Like Dylan in the Movies.

See you there!